No lying in the Race of Truth

Shitty! I haven't the words to express how I feel except shitty.

I know this was suppose to be a learning year - and I have.

I know I was suppose to look to 2010 for applying what I learned - and I am.

But what just happened on Mt. Hood in the OBRA Hillclimb Championships a few hours ago is going to stick in my mind and legs and lungs and heart for a year.

This - not giving it my all against the clock - will never happen again!

I'm really angry at myself. I haven't been this angry at myself in...? ... I don't know how long, but years.

Frankly - 28:58 sucks! It's the first lie. It lies about what I am capable of. I love climbing. I take enormous joy in going up things fast. It's not about beating others - its about going up hills fast. It's a relationship I have with roads that tilt skyward. Climbing is different than all other things we do on a bike. Some cyclists hurt on hills and hate them. Some simply avoid them. Some accept they are there and do what they must to get over them and move on. But I love hills. I love steep hills - those double-digit inclines that pop riders, physically and mentally. I love when the lungs and legs hurt and the head creates the illusion and then magically you begin to spin and then float upwards. There is an incredible beauty to climbing.

Today I got sucked into chasing other cyclists rather than the clock. It was my girlfriend Jenn who had to point out that out - "Do you think you were fooled into thinking you were going faster than you were because you were passing people?" Ya, I blew it. Picking off 5,6 or 7 other riders was not the point. This was the "race of truth" and somewhere along West Leg Road I began lying to myself.

Racing against the clock is about the clock - period. I missed starting my stopwatch and was riding without time - just chasing down rabbits - unfortunately rabbits come in two types, bunnies and hares. Today I needed hares, and that's never going to be a guarantee so focus only the only certainty - the CLOCK.

The Hillclimb was also about learning where limits are - or not - I still am not certain where mine are. Earlier in the season my friend Scott Powell said at some point you just have to take yourself into the 'red zone' and blow up - that way you know where it is. Blowing up on a climb is a huge fear factor - especially for someone who likes to climb, takes joy and pride in climbing. The image of one's self paperboying it up to the finish line - or even worse, not being able to pedal at all - keeps you from venturing too close to the unknown. But the reallity is the unknown may be much much further away from anything I know now and as a consequence I have know clue where my limits are. At some point I need to go there - the sooner the better - then all of this will have perspective - and the fun will return.

This "shitty" feeling will last for a while, through the winter in the rain on the road training, in the spring when races renew, every time the road tilts up in May, June and July, and finally a year from now, at the starting line of the Hillclimbing Championship.

And finally, my congrats to two guys, first David Zimbelman - 25:42 - in the 55-59 group is stink'n amazing, you are an inspiration! And to Scott Seaton congratulations as well - nice climb, and more important, you are a really nice guy. I appreciated your new friendship at Elkhorn and today a top the mountain. I also appreciate the fact that you were the first to come congratulate me when you thought I had won ahead of you - class - you showed a lot of class. I hope I can extend the same class to you and others in 2010.

DNF - the morning after

Yang came looking for me the next morning (see previous CCC post). Yang wears very similiar outfits to the grim reaper I found out. Stage 4 - DNF

What started in Saturday afternoon's crit continued to chase me down like a junkyard dog on holiday. This chase was in my head; just never could wrap my coconut around the CCC. Still trying to sort out why not. Eventually it was one of those "neutral feed zones" that took it's toll. The chaos caused me to unclip, the boys up front hit the gas as if their water bottles were needed at a 5-alarm blaze, and boom I was off the front group. A 2K chase in TT position ensued, but I had done that the morning before, and now the legs said no way, not into a head wind.

Before that I was actually talking myself through it - forced myself to get up front, helped chase a couple short lived attacks, sat on race leader Dave Zimbelman's wheel, for much of the next lap, then we climbed to the feed zone, and there, a really aggressive race twittered my brain with a whole lot of questions about fighting this much and then it was "lights out in the 'mental' engine room". Unfortunately Mr. Liggett, there was not going to be any digging into suitcases,... or bags, or knapsacks, or any other carrier, for courage. Not since my second marathon many moons ago had I "hit the wall". In this case the legs still worked, the head was banging and the wall wasn't giving in.

This was by far the most aggressive and talented field (115 strong) I raced in all year. The USA Nationals this coming week in Bend brought a number of Elite Masters in - and they filled the CCC field and definitely amped up the level of racing - looking back Elkhorn seems rather pleasant.

My goal this year was to come to every race with a lesson to learn. And in each I can say that has happened - I've definitely improved. Perhaps CCC had no clear enough goal, maybe blame the heat, or the cracked frame the night before leaving through me off, in the end this was in my head. And I guess the learnt lesson is bike racing is really a head game. As much as we like to think it's about pedalling a bike, it's really about pedalling upstairs, clearing your focus, and determining your success.

My consolation? After hitting the wall in that second marathon I went on to run my faster ever 26 miles in my third. My goal this season was to learn, so I could be competitive in 2010. Maybe 2010 is my new third.

Elkhorn finals - and thanks to all of you!

Finals are in - I climbed to 20th at 7:03 back on GC - so the lung-sucking, leg-hammering climb up Dooley Mountain, finishing 10th, helped me grab my dangling cycling carrot - top 20 at Elkhorn. Many thanks are owed - to Jenn, my dedicated "crew" endless thanks for putting up with my craziness! And to friend and teammate Scott Powell - congrats on your 13th and all your wisdom and ecouragement - next year we get them!! And to "the Kids" back in Portland who were "supportive" in all your individual ways :")) And to so many old and new friends that made this weekend FUN, and the passion of racing my bike all I imagined.

Full race results

Photo Gallery

PS - you thought this was over? NOT - just registered for Cascade Cycling Classic :"))

Epic "reduced" to mountain sprint for GC

Last night at Barley Brown's today's Stage 4 was all the talk - nearly 102 miles with the final 8 miles to the summit of Dooley Mt. - "epic" for all us wannabes. Last year riders dropped in 95 degree heat and dehydration... I was so pumped for this!

The pouring rain that greeted us at dawn (see previous post) finally delayed the start and forced OBRA officials to wisely shorten the stage to a neutral start out of Baker City, a 30+ mph "warm up" to the base of Dooley Mt. up the backside (12 miles or so) and then the attacks launched up the climb and cold married wet to make the race for the summit and "epic" uphill TT!

With the GC up for grabs Z-Team and Hutch were hammering on the front and Scott Powell and I were make the best of a shattering peleton. Pedal turn by pedal turn guys were dropping off and back. Then the surge - and the wheel in front of me gaps off - damn it! Out of the saddle I sprint around him and grab the fleeting six (two others, Zimbelman one of them) were just up the road distancing themselves from the chase. I felt like I was breathing just to save my life - just not enough warm up for these 'ol legs! Finally I buried myself into a rythym and then another surge. I spun faster to just catch on with a kilometer and a half to go and then Scott hit the gas one more time trying to make his break - I lost the wheels and chased the front group to the line with one other guy. We shared wheels for a K and then we gapped.

Damn that was incredibly hard!! Results have not been posted but I think I was top ten on the stage - and that should have moved me up on GC into the top 20 - season goal accomplished!! (okay - goal number one). Thanks for your help Scott! Update later tonight.

"Stay out of the wind and then climb for your life."

Okay, sage advice. Now do I have the legs?

Off for the Elkhorn Classic Stage (four of them) race tomorrow morning. Excited, because this is what I targeted many months ago, but also because it would be great to put to work all I have been learning in this first year of racing - like how to definitely keep my nose outta-the-wind and still make the break when the right selection hits the gas. That was the year's goal - learn, learn, more learning - then see what I can do with it next year. The learning has definitely been a curve upwards - life IN the peloton is a little different than sitting there WATCHING the peloton and second guessing Paul and Phil. Thanks to Scott Powell and Hilary Billington (Team Lip Smackers) and all you have shared with me this season! To the "Kids" I'll try and do US proud (if not, you can find me up the road in the Terminal Gravity Brew Pub at Enterprise :").

I'll drop a note here each night on how the day went and how the legs and head feel. Oh, and a few photos as well - especially from the Kiddies Crit on Saturday. Look for more photos and other bit of cycling flotsam on my site - Bicycling Northwest.