Let the Leaves Fall

This weekend 26 teams - yes, including Radioshack, the apparent bad boys of racing - take to the start in Milano before riding north, looping the gorgeous Lake Como and finishing in the lake town of Como after climbing up from the lake shore and summiting the climb to Madonna del Ghisallo. They will ride through the falling leaves, la Classica della Foglie Morte, the Classic of the Falling Leaves. If I were a pro this is the one race every year I would ride for the sheer joy of riding my bike - and then end my season and stay in Bellagio for a few weeks.

And when I think of riding my bike for joy's sake Chris Horner often comes to mind. Horner loves this little race as well, and fairing quite well in it over the past few seasons - four tries and always top 15 with a best 7th. His participation in this year's race of the falling leaves looked in doubt when organizers RCS once again played punitive politics and "woops" left Radioshack off their start list. Something about some Italian dog eating the invitation, or something. Off that is until the Shack threatened to sue in the CAS and the UCI jumped in (part in the paternalness to insure next year's Pro Tour gets off to a credible start.)

After investigating the news, VeloNews has learned that the team will indeed be on the start line of the Lombardy race October 17. “There was an oversight by the organizers,” an inside source told this VeloNews. “A letter confirming the invitation was lost apparently. And so they are working with the UCI to work things out so the team can start the race.”

And to prove there is a cycling god the finale of the Classics season will be broadcast in America. To also prove that god has a sense of humor and a bit of devil in them, it will be televised on Universal Sports. But for the wise, know that you can turn the two US blithering idiots off and get a live Eurosport feed for some insightful, culturally intelligent and civilized commentary.

More about the fall Classic can be found in the new book published by VeloNews The Spring Classics. An adaptation of The Spring Classics: Cycling's Greatest One-Day Races can be found here.

Universal-ly Off

Tuesday night we, a few of the Kids, gathered at the "Office", locally known as Lucky Lab brew pub in Multnomah. It's the unsual late spring/summer Tuesday night gathering site for three reasons - 1) it the closest best spot after the Tuesday Night Rides/Races out of Tualatin Park, 2) Tightwad Tuesday make pints and pitchers almost reasonably priced, and 3) TT can get an ESB while the rest of us rehydrate with the much tastier IPAs. Of course the fourth, unwritten, reason is to rehash in micro-detail the ride. Last Tuesday it was a quick rehash and better exaggerations were found in Lash's Tales of Trek - or how his Madone broke once again while on a major ride - this time the Lost Coast Century in northern California. His re-Lash can be summed up in a handful of unprintable four-letter words strung together with angry hyphens and accented with hand-gestured exclamation marks. Needless to say Trek has become his newest four-letter word. But he saved a few words for our next topic - Universal Sports' Giro announcers.

After the first pitcher we moved onto the recent Pros chasing pink - the Giro d'Italia. We all amore la Giro just finished. We love the climbs, the podium girls, and the tifosi. Above all we love its unpredictability. It doesn't suffer from the TdF cookie-cutter format of prologue-pancake flats-climbs-rolling flats-climbs-TT-Paris. What we have a love-hate relationship with is Universal Sports coverage. We love the fact that US had the cojones to step over Versus, pay La Gazzetta dello Sport, and broadcast the Giro - we will be eternally grateful. What we hate are the US announcers. Okay, we grant them the same get-out-of-jail-free card Phil & Paul get in July, because they are taking the TV feed from the event organizers and can't help it if the producer sits on a camera shot of some Italian rider's crash while the attack is going off the front and the maglia rosa is at stake. But "Gogo" (is that really a name?) and Steve Schlanger are just too American. They're no Phil & Paul, but then we really don't want them to be, we want two new cycling announcers to help build a tradition around. But Universal listen up, a "multi-sport announcer" (per their own media release), doesn't work. They don't get this sport. They call it like any other three-pitch and kick a field goal sport and it doesn't work. Cycling is as much tradition and legend as cranksets and derailleurs, or to coin a book title, it is about "Blood, Sweat and Handlebar tape".

Here are our collective decisions - and after a couple of pints we know these decisions are as perfect as Coppi on a TdF Stage XX 162 km solo break over the d'Isoard.

1. Get rid of Mr Multi-sport Schlanger and get a real cycling guy - visit Eurosport they have several.
2. Turn down the shreak level on "Gogo" or get rid of him too.
3. Buy all announcers three things - a) an Italian cultural guide book, b) dinner with Phil & Paul so they can learn how to pronounce the rider's names, and c) a paid vacation to Italy so they can visit the Ghisallo di Madonna and Coppi Museum to learn a little history and tradition of the sport, and then tour a few of the mainstay sites the Giro visits - in other words, get to know the place!!
4. Finally, fire any announcer immediately who starts to scream** in the final 1k or exiting to a commercial break.
   

Finding a way to present the Giro to the American public is not just a Universal (sports) issue, it is a cycling issue. On the eve so-to-speak of Giro Director Angelo Zomegnan's lobbying to get his grand tour departing from Washington D.C. in 2012, it's important to connect the American sporting public to the culture of grand tour cycling. Cycling isn't just the start and finish of athletes on bicycles - it's legends, legendary moments, and the passion of those that ride and those that line the roads. Even Americans can learn to love that - they just need presenters to connect them.

Giro’s toughest stage? Getting to DC in 2012

**just by some weird coincidence I heard Steve Schlanger announcing a swimming meet that came on immediately after one of the Giro stages - only because I went, "wait, I know that obnoxious screeching voice" did I pause and watch (listen) to a bit of swimming. Yip, it was him, same delivery, same generically inane commentary, with a rise in screeching tone just before race finishes and departures to commercials - ergh! this is the curse of the American "multi-sport announcer".

I'm a TOTAL whiner!!!!

okay - sometimes life just slaps you upside the head and says - Shut The F%@K Up - you are being a total whiner! Stop it!

Did you seen any of the paralympics? Or should I say the REAL Olympics?

Unfortunately the para-version was treated like some kinda stepchild, maybe because we have a culture, a media culture, that just doesn't like to deal with folks that are not American Idol-types, but the paralympics totally blow the other Olympics out of the water.

I'll be honest I heard these games were going on, but they weren't even a blip on my sporting radar. But then I flipped on Universal Sports to see if they were rerunning Milan SanRemo (of course they weren't) and I see these guys scooting around an ice rink on the arses and stare in stupefied amazement... "what?" Then realize HOLY S&@T! they have no legs, or only one leg, and then OMG this guy gets pasted from the side by another player in a sledge (see photo above) and dumped on his... well... umm? ... if he had one it would be his arse, but at that point I'm lost, I have no clue what I'm looking at - the guy has NO ANYTHING from the waist area down - my mouth is agape and once again I turn to Jenn and exclaim, "this is amazingly insane! These people have no bodies! What the hell are we watching?"

Jenn and I were watching the USA ice sledge hockey team competing in Vancouver BC - the same place all those other primadonnas performed and the media covered it like a group of star struck teenagers at their first rock concert. First of all, it's so amazing what these guys are doing that you sit there staring at the screen like a idiot, with you mouth open like Koi fish in disbelief - and then, EVERY single one of them is like THEEE story of the other 'lympics - ya know, those up close and personal bullshit stories that NBC tried to feed everyone - sorry, but these guys are the real deal. These athletes didn't just get injured and make a comeback, they ARE still injured - beyond what most of us ever face and then deal with it to go forward. What they have been through is so over the top astonishing it somehow doesn't seem possible - here's a couple - 'oh, he was hit by a train when 16 and lost his legs', or 'his mother lived in Chernobyl during 1986 and he was born without legs'. Then on top of that they learned to play this hockey and do it at this incredible level. Man, I have been such a total looser to whine about a little lung infection I've had over the last couple week!! All I want to do is get out on my bike and ride - ride until it hurts - and be thankful I have legs!

I'm still mystified about the paralympics - why are they so hidden? Why aren't we watching and celebrating with ten fold the excitement and fervor of those other 'lympics? Frankly, why do we even bother with those other 'lympics????

Oh, BTW, the USA ice hockey sledge team won the gold. Team USA did not surrender a goal in all five of its games at the tournament, outscoring its opponents, 19-0.

Ten Reasons to watch the Vuelta

1. No LA
2. No mention of LA (so far)
3. No reference to how it was when Lance won this race (although he did finish 4th in 1998... see, he is not just a one-trick pony)
4. No commercials for Lance (although after September 1st Radioshack, I mean The Shack, I mean... well what ever they call themselves, may have bought commercial spots since they are UCI compliant and the secret is out of the bag, oh btw, did you hear Levi also signed with RS.)
5. You get to see Belgium in some other season but the cold and rain of the Spring Classics (it does look greener in the warm and rain of August)
6. No soap opera stars to distract from bike racing* - Conti, LA and Levi are all missing
7. Somebody will win a sprint besides Cavendish - even if they do ride for Columbia HTC
8. You get an Aussie commentator (who does know a fair thing or two about pro cycling) which enables you to learn colourful bits like:
   
   • "looking fairly handy"
   • "all gone pear-shaped"
   • "tell mum he buggered that one up"
     
9. We and the UCI finally get to see the "Teflon man", Alejandro Valverde, since they can't seem to stick him for any of the million and one doping connections they reportedly have tried to ban him for
10. And finally, we hope, we get to see American Chris Horner, in the best shape of his life, at least finish, if not contest, a Grand Tour without a ... Ah crap! NO! results just in from Stage 4... and... Horner is out, a crash! Dang it!

* sorry, Vino is back

Seriously, Universal Sports (the guys who gratefully brought us the Giro d'Italia at the last minute) just penned a four-year deal for the Vuelta as well as Milan San Remo, the Worlds, and a handful of races we would never otherwise get to see, so it's worth tuning in - online or on the old technology, television.